the trouble with parenting books

When we found out I was pregnant, my husband bought the holy grail of pregnancy books, What to Expect When You're Expecting. It was quite useful for us, and gave me a good sense of, well, what to expect in my pregnancy. I was very fortunate that my gestation went smoothly. Of course, I got the usual annoying pregnancy side effects--nausea and vomiting, hunger, frequent bathroom trips. But for the most part, I didn't get all the other symptoms associated with carrying a human being in your womb. My biggest concern then was the rate of my weight gain, but I had it under control by the third trimester.

Sometime during the fifth month, my husband and I went to the Manila Book Fair, where he bought the sequel to our WTE book: the What to Expect During the First Year. I started reading it when I was in my eighth month.

If you read a parenting book while you are still pregnant, chances are you will feel a mixture of dread and determination. What these books don't tell you is that once you are holding a crying newborn in your arms, in a zombie-like state, you can only think of one thing: "WHAT DID THE BOOK SAY! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!"

In real life, the baby would be on her right hand. And the left as well. And the book would be nowhere to be found.

Once I started to get into the rhythm of things, and getting used to not sleeping well, I looked forward to Audrey's third month because that's when the book said she'll start to sleep longer stretches at night and would need fewer feedings. I held on to that promise (okay, the book didn't promise, but it's what I expected. It's the title of the book!) whenever Audrey would wake up for the fourth time during the night demanding the boob. A few more weeks, I would think. Just a few more weeks of this.

Fast forward to my daughter's four-month mark, and I can't find the chapter on What To Expect When Your Baby Is Not A Textbook Baby And Still Wakes Up Three to Four Times At Night. I go online, and there are two responses:

"Oh, that sucks! My baby started sleeping through the night as soon as he was born."

"My daughter woke up ten times at night until she was eighteen years old."

Hyperboles (obviously), but you get the point.

I figure I'll just go with the flow and sooner or later, she'll be giving me more than three hours' sleep at a time.

Besides, how can you be mad at someone who wakes up this way?

I've learned not to expect long stretches of sleep from this little one, so that I am pleasantly surprised whenever she gives me a rare three or four hour stretch.

Because #ExpectationsHurt

But then, perhaps I could start reading WTE chapters to Audrey as bedtime stories so she'll know what I expect of her.